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New Year’s Eve . . . Other than in my younger years, when I liked to celebrate on New Year’s and drink, I’ve never been a fan. My sister died on New Year’s Eve. And as I mention in my book, after my husband died, I found New Year’s brutally painful. I couldn’t imagine moving into a new year without him. I wanted to go back in life, not forward. And with each passing New Year’s, I felt as if I was getting farther away from him.
I’m now used to moving through New Year’s without him. But I’m still not a fan of New Year’s. I enjoy the holiday season, when life slows down and people focus more on family, sharing, and giving. I enjoy the festivities and decorations that occur in December. Plus, traffic slows down (in Denver) during the holiday week. But come January 1, society goes back into high-productivity mode. Making profits becomes more important, and the pace of life picks back up. Traffic becomes unbearable again.
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Plus, with the new year, there is extra pressure to do more and be better—lose weight, exercise more, earn more income, etc. I rarely set intentions or goals any more. I’ve had too many years when I did that, and then felt disappointed when I didn’t fulfill them. I recognize that the new year provides a perfect starting point, and I understand why we set goals and intentions during this time. I just wish we continued to focus on what really matters—being kind to others, spending time with loved ones, slowing down a bit, and enjoying life—rather than killing ourselves to keep a fast-paced lifestyle.
You probably disagree with me; I know most people are excited for a new year and new start. If that’s you, I wish you a happy new year. I hope 2020 is everything you want it to be. And if you’re grieving this New Year’s, and feel the way I did at the start of my grieving journey, I wish you peace. As my friend reminded me on my first New Year’s without my husband, we’re just moving into a new day like any other day. That helped me not feel so overwhelmed about moving into a new year without my loved one.
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